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Unfriending Approval: Breaking Free from Social Media Validation

Writer's picture: Betty ChatzipliBetty Chatzipli


Woman with black hat in her home office writing on her laptop.


We’ve all been there. You post a photo, a status, or maybe that sunset shot you’re secretly proud of, and then you wait. For the “likes”. The comments. The validation. If they flood in, you feel a little rush of satisfaction. If they don’t, you might wonder: "Was it not good enough? Am I not good enough?"


Let’s pause right there.


Why are we letting apps and algorithms dictate our self-worth?




The Psychological Trap: Why We Seek Validation Online


The human brain is wired to seek approval. From an evolutionary perspective, being accepted by our social group was critical to survival. In today’s digital world, this need for connection and affirmation has been amplified by platforms designed to exploit our psychology.


When you receive likes or comments, your brain releases dopamine — the “feel-good” neurotransmitter. It’s the same chemical triggered by eating chocolate or winning a game. But social media doesn’t just rely on this natural response; it actively capitalizes on it. By exploiting the dopamine feedback loop, social media platforms ensure you keep coming back for more. These platforms are not just innocent tools for connection; they are meticulously designed to capture and hold your attention for as long as possible.


As docudrama “The Social Dilemma” reveals, social media algorithms manipulate human psychology by creating personalized content that keeps you hooked, driving you to chase that next notification, or scroll endlessly through your feed. The impact is staggering: according to a study mentioned in the film, rates of anxiety and depression among teenage girls increased by 70% between 2010 and 2017, correlating with the rise of social media. Another study found that people who spend more than three hours a day on social media are more likely to experience poor mental health outcomes, including feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. Finally, a systematic review found that the use of social networking sites is associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and psychological distress.


Social media becomes not just a tool for connection but a magnifying glass for insecurities. For women — who are already navigating a world that judges them by how they look, act, and exist — this constant quest for validation can be exhausting and disempowering.


It’s time to step off the hamster wheel of "likes" and reclaim our confidence.


Here’s how.



Asian young woman walking looking at her mobile and smiling


Step 1: Engage, Don't Compare


Social media creates an alternate reality — a carefully curated world where everyone appears flawless, successful, and perpetually happy. But as psychologists like Brené Brown remind us, “comparison is the thief of happiness”. In her book Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown highlights research revealing that comparison can harm our self-perception, aspirations, and overall sense of well-being.


What to do instead: Shift your mindset from competition to connection


Social media can be a tool for building relationships rather than fueling envy. Instead of scrolling past a post that sparks jealousy, pause and reframe your reaction. Ask yourself: “What can I learn from this person’s experience? Can I celebrate their success without diminishing my own?”


Take a moment to engage positively by leaving a kind comment or thoughtful question. For example, if someone shares a vacation photo, instead of feeling envious, you might say, “That place looks amazing! What was the highlight of your trip?” This not only fosters connection but also reminds you that social media is about human interaction, not comparison.




The Shift Toward Authenticity: A New Trend in Social Media


Here’s the good news: there’s a growing movement toward authenticity. Younger generations and influencers are starting to reject overly curated, filtered content. The rise of apps like BeReal — where users are encouraged to share unfiltered moments in real time — is a testament to this shift.


Studies show that audiences increasingly prefer raw, genuine content over polished, curated material. For instance, 86% of consumers say authenticity is important when deciding which brands they like and support. Furthermore, 79% of people say user-generated content (UGC) highly impacts their purchasing decisions, and consumers find UGC 9.8 times more impactful than influencer content when making a purchasing decision.


This aligns with the psychological principle of relatability: people connect more deeply with imperfection than with unattainable ideals. Posting less-polished photos and honest captions can feel liberating and foster stronger connections.


So  next time you post on social ask yourself: 

“Am I contributing to the authenticity revolution, or perpetuating the cycle of curated perfection?”



Step 2: Rewrite Your Narrative


Once you recognize the illusion of validation-seeking on social media, you have the power to rewrite your relationship with it. The first step is to shift from using these platforms as a measure of your worth to using them as a tool for authentic connection. Social media was never meant to be a numbers game; it’s meant to facilitate relationships, build communities, and share ideas. So, why not use it for exactly that?



woman being taken a photo at a cafe


Post for Connection, Not Validation

The next time you go to post, stop and ask yourself: “What’s my intention here?” If you’re posting for external approval — whether it’s "likes", comments, or shares — you're still playing into the cycle of seeking validation. Instead, post with the intention to connect. Share moments that resonate with you, moments that matter in your life, not just the ones you think will get the most likes. When you begin to share for connection, you start engaging in social media in a way that feels more genuine and fulfilling, as opposed to superficial and temporary.


Practice Mindful Posting

Mindful posting is a powerful tool to help shift your relationship with social media. Before you hit “share,” ask yourself: “Am I sharing this because it genuinely represents me, or am I hoping others will approve of it?” Taking that pause helps you check your intentions, ensuring that you’re posting for personal expression rather than external validation. If your post is about sharing something meaningful — a photo of a meaningful trip, an inspiring thought, or a moment of personal growth — then it becomes a tool for self-expression rather than a desperate plea for "likes" or comments.


Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome

Another way to rewrite your narrative is to shift your focus from the outcome (the "likes", the comments) to the process (the experience and the sharing itself). What did you learn during the experience? How does it reflect your values? When you focus on the experience rather than the reaction, you’re able to share more freely without the weight of seeking approval. By choosing to post from a place of joy or authenticity, you stop seeing social media as a judgment arena and instead embrace it as a place to share your unique perspective.


Embrace Vulnerable Authenticity

Vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness, but it’s actually a profound strength. When you show up as your authentic self, flaws and all, you break free from the need to perform.


  • Post the unfiltered photo.


  • Share your struggles, not just your successes.


  • Speak your truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.



WATCH: The power of vulnerability | Brené Brown | TED



Step 3: Set Healthy Boundaries


While quitting social media entirely might not be a realistic option for most of us, setting boundaries to protect your mental health is both practical and essential for maintaining emotional well-being in today’s digital age.


Limit Exposure to Triggers

Curate your social media feed by unfollowing accounts that make you feel inadequate, anxious, or insecure. Instead, fill your space with accounts that inspire, uplift, and promote positivity. Consider following accounts that align with your values or ones that encourage self-love, mental health, and personal growth. By actively choosing what you consume, you take control of your emotional environment, allowing yourself to engage with content that nurtures rather than depletes you.


Control Your Time Spent on Social Media

Time management tools and app timers can help reduce mindless scrolling. Many social media platforms now have built-in features that allow you to set limits on the amount of time you spend on them each day. Use these features to create conscious boundaries around your usage. When the timer goes off, take it as a cue to step away, engage in another activity, or focus on a different area of your life.


Incorporate Intentional Breaks into Your Routine 

Establish “no-post weekends” or designated screen-free times throughout the day. These breaks can offer much-needed space for reflection and recharge, freeing you from the constant pressure to engage with online content. Use this time to reconnect with yourself — whether that means going for a walk, practicing mindfulness, or spending quality time with loved ones. It’s important to create moments where you are not constantly tethered to your device.


Research consistently supports the benefits of limiting social media use. A study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that reducing social media consumption can significantly lower feelings of loneliness and depression, improving overall well-being. By reducing time on social media, participants in the study experienced a noticeable decrease in feelings of isolation and increased emotional stability.



woman wearing a green bikini swimming


Step 4: Build Offline Confidence


True, lasting confidence is developed outside the digital world. Psychologists agree that confidence isn’t just about how we present ourselves on social media or the approval we seek online — it’s about the depth of our inner strength and how we nurture it offline. When we engage in activities that bring us joy, fulfillment, and personal growth, we begin to develop a strong sense of self that doesn’t rely on external validation. By cultivating confidence in the real world, we reduce our need for social media applause.


Engage in Flow Activities

These are tasks or hobbies that completely absorb your attention, making you lose track of time and experience a state of deep focus. Whether it’s painting, writing, gardening, playing a musical instrument, or dancing, flow activities allow you to become fully immersed in the present moment, boosting your self-esteem and reducing stress. Research has shown that being in a flow state not only enhances performance but also improves well-being. The more time you dedicate to these fulfilling activities, the more you can tap into a sense of accomplishment and self-worth that is free from the need for external feedback.


Practice Self-Compassion  

When we are kind and understanding toward ourselves, especially in moments of struggle or failure, we cultivate a sense of resilience. Self-compassion isn’t about being overly critical or harsh toward ourselves; it’s about acknowledging our imperfections and embracing them as part of our human experience. When you practice self-compassion, you build emotional strength, which in turn supports a positive sense of self-worth that isn’t contingent on social media validation.


Don't forget to love yourself. ― Soren Kierkegaard


Celebrate Small Victories 

Small wins are essential for cultivating self-esteem. Whether it’s completing a challenging work project, conquering a personal goal, or even just having a productive day, acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small, can significantly boost your confidence. Take a moment to savor these victories. Give yourself credit for your efforts and progress, as this positive reinforcement will help you build a resilient and strong sense of self.



young woman holding sparklers


Step 5: Redefine Your Metrics of Success


Success is deeply personal, and letting social media metrics like "likes" and "followers" define it can lead to insecurity. True success is about living in alignment with your own values and goals, not seeking external validation.


Shift Your Focus from Quantity to Quality

Deep, meaningful relationships matter more than a large following. Real success comes from the connections that nourish your life, not virtual applause.


Align Your Posts with What Truly Matters to You 

By focusing on authenticity over popularity, you invite more meaningful interactions and reduce the pressure of comparison.


Reframe success to include personal growth, learning, and positive impact. Social media should be a tool for expression and connection, not a measure of worth. When you define success on your terms, you live more intentionally and authentically.


Free Download: Your Success Scoreboard



Step 6: Be Patient with the Process


Breaking free from the cycle of social media validation is a journey that takes time and consistent effort. You will likely encounter moments when old habits resurface, and that's okay. What matters most is your commitment to realigning with your authentic self and reframing how you engage with social media.


Self-reflection is key to this process. Regularly ask yourself:


“Am I seeking genuine connection, or am I chasing approval?”

“Am I using social media with intention, or is it just a reflex?”

“Does this post, scroll, or interaction contribute to my well-being, or is it driven by external pressure?”


The goal is to reclaim your confidence and emotional independence. Imagine logging off social media and still feeling just as confident, centered, and content as when you first logged in. That’s the power of using social media mindfully — not as a source of validation, but as a platform for genuine connection.


So, unfollow the need for approval. Unfriend the algorithms dictating your self-worth. And start living a life that’s not for the "likes", but for you.


Thanks for reading ♡ !



hipster woman wearing classes


DISCLAIMER

The content of this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Expert on Your Life, LLC. is not affiliated, associated, endorsed by, or in any way officially connected with the references and information cited on this webpage. Read our full Disclaimer here.


 


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